Texan Republicans Act On Their Moral Values

The red states may lead the country in divorce, teen pregnancy, and support of smut, but they are finally taking a stand. Texas legislators have voted to ban "sexually suggestive" cheer leading in the schools. Some question whether there is any other type of cheer leading, being unable to recall many events where scantily clad girls were used to promote intellectual interests.

Opponents have questioned the priorities of those supporting this measure: "Have we done anything about stem cell research to help people who are dying and are sick advance their health? No," said Democratic Representative Senfronia Thompson."

Laura Bush was unavailable for comment, having left the White House to visit a presumably non-sexually suggestive club with scantily clad male dancers.